My Blog

Why am I still here when most people have switched to ‘Facebook’? Maybe I should try it out as nobody has said that it sucks. Some friends said that maybe I should write my blogs somewhere popular.

Different people would have different suggestions for my life. What is my own suggestion to myself? To resist the flow of humanity. A friend refuses to use Friendster because he does not find it meaningful. The same person also finds clubbing a phony activity. Maybe another person is right. She said that people who club have no life. She may be special but she is not attractive.

I wanted to play basketball but the court has been occupied by old folks playing Taichi and ‘Fan’ dance. So, I jogged for two rounds before realizing how bad my stamina is now. No youngster was seen on the field except for a few high school teenagers who have nothing better to do during their school holidays.

The time has come and the time is now. Year 2007, passing quicker than ever, is now on the edge, ready to turn obsolete. This year has been imbued with bitter and sweet symphonies. As usual, the struggle has not ended. The year has kicked off with high energy and enthusiasm, only to be struck by depression not long after. My back grew white spots, only to be cured by Chinese traditional medicine. There have been gleaming tears, many times unable to resist gravity. But life is still worth a smile sometimes. There has been always a revengeful self in me and for so long I have been abandoning myself to mediocrity. I fear success as I fear failure. I fear to climb as I fear to fall. For years, I have been a recluse.

The happy-go-lucky and zealous me has been buried by the mud of the past. I never dared to face the world again. My life came crashing down on me and I never recovered since then. But now I have realized that I was too moronic. I did not have the guts. I was too slothful to achieve anything. The more I think about it now, the angrier I am getting. Like the Ghost Rider, there is combustion blazing around my skull. I would not back down and back off. I would tell you who the real man is. And I swear that you will never ever ever ever want to think of harming me anymore. You cannot make up to me. You can only regret and regret and regret for the things you have done.

Nobody is going to stop me. Not my parents. Not my lover. Not even myself. I am too furious to compromise my principles. I am too firm to give concessions. Four years of my life have been wasted and I will be getting them all back, each and every single day. For four years, I have been meek, hiding in the shadows, fighting my own demons. You will now be hit back by the smooth criminal. And V is not for Vendetta but Vengeance.

For once again, the King would rise to the plateau and reach the pinnacle, apex or summit. Call me whatever you want: Lucifer King, Crayon King, Uno King or the classic Scorpion King. It does not matter what you call me. It does not matter whether you call me by my family name: Jer Huan. I am always who I am. You can mock me. You can insult me. You can backstab me. You can discourage me. You can hurt me. But in the end of the day, whether you respect me or not, you cannot do a damn thing to bring me down.

For four years, I have laid like a corpse. Now my hand has protruded from the soil and would choke any organism that is unlucky. I would never rest.

I have been writing here for long, though not consistently. I am honoured to bring laughter to certain people. A friend said that the entry about ‘Touching the wet pussies’ made him laugh like hell. Maybe I did put a smile on your face when some read my ever ‘blaming life for its ugliness’ pieces. Maybe some have felt angry when I openly attacked them here. Maybe some have felt inspired by my revolutionary ideas. Maybe some find me having the flair for writing. Whoever you are, I appreciate you reading My Blog. By the way, for those who do not read My Blog because you think that it is long winded, you are just lazy. All I can say is that you could have been learning something valuable.

People can sign up for Xanga, Blogspot etc but I truly believe that if what people are reading here is esteemed, being informative or whatever, people would come read. I do not give a damn about others such as Jeff Ooi.

It is time to get down to business…

人类的每一项领域，每一派宗教，每一段感情，每一缕思想，都是偏向极端。做人不容易。有太多的人生大道理，成功之道和规则与原则。而万中其一的艰辛就是在每一件事情里找到平衡点。

有些人会觉得如果你爱一个人，你就会为他/她而改变。反之，被男友或女友这样责备的人也许会为此不满而用‘如果你爱一个人，你就会接受他/她原有的样子’的论点来反驳。

世上根本没对与错。不过，由我的观点来看，我认为两者说的都有道理。

当你爱上一个人的时候，也许你还没深入了解此人的性格。更何况，人不是常说 ‘爱是盲目的’。路遥知马力，日就见人心。日子久了，原本的白马王子可能就没表面上或梦幻中的那么美好。原本世上稀有的再世潘金莲也可能抵抗不了时间的侦探，终于揭发那些深藏不漏，不可告人的秘密。可惜，被发掘的往往不是宝藏，而是缺陷。

汤无满圆，人无十全。凡事，物或人都有美中不足。不过，每个人的容忍度量和接受能力是有偏差。也许，一些人能忍耐伴侣脾气暴躁但一些却无法容忍。一些人能接受对方抽烟但一些不可以。世上离奇事不少。一些女生不能忍受男朋友‘不’抽烟。她们觉得男子抽烟才有男子气概。一些女生自己能抽烟却不能忍受男友抽。自己坏就行。可自己的男友就要是个循规蹈矩的乖孩子。

当你不喜欢你的伴侣做某些事情或持有某种态度时，当然，发脾气或摆个臭脸是个极为幼稚的行为。但气在心头上时，就得冷静下来，慢慢抚平心中之怒或厌。等到心情好些的时候，就应该顿时和平沟通。如果拖得太久，你的伴侣也许也都忘了有这回事。莫等到你的伴侣重蹈覆辙时，你才再说。

保持一个人对另一个人的感觉的责任不限于对方。自己也要负起责任。你明明晓得他人的某些行为会扼杀你对他/她的感觉，你就得发表你的不满或意见。不过，有时自己得仔细想想自己是否太过于斤斤计较，还是对方缺点太多。有些人是完美主义者。说得好听，就是在寻找或苛求完美，显得清高，亦有品质。说得难听，就是吹毛求疵，鸡蛋里挑骨头。他/她们要求自己或周遭事物美满无缺，可最不完美的是他/她那个样样都追求完美的性格。

爱一个人相等于对此人宽容吗？还是，爱一个人就心存有恐惧，害怕失去他/她而对他/她格外呵护，特别紧张？不管爱一个人与否，不论是男女，肚量大对心灵健康。当你爱一个人，宽容大量可算是整段感情或详细些，你对他/她感觉的支柱。你小气，你不但扰乱自己的思绪，也影响别人的心情。若频频发生，恐怕感情的紧急红灯会亮起来。

若自己有尽责，努力不懈地做好自己的本分，对方却本性难移，依然固执地守着那些令人反感的行为举止，该怎么办？你说：“如果你爱我的话，你会为我而改变。” 他/她却反咬一口，说：“如果你爱我的话，你会接受真正的我。” 当某人会说这样反驳时，我相信他/她对你的爱不够深。用逻辑判断，若他/她爱你，他/她不是应该会顾及你的感受吗？为何他/她只自私自利地想着自己的浪荡的自由，而不理会你那割裂的心？

离开他/她吧，还是让他/她更爱你？还是忍声吞气，默默地被他/她折磨，希望有一天他/她会改过自新？我说等到下一世吧！有些男人就是喜欢拈花惹草，在外头和不同女人搞暧昧。不过，往往爱上他们的，又是些清纯无知的少女。少女傻乎乎地，忠心耿耿地爱。到最后，情浓意蜜变成死缠烂打，无法自拔。除非那花花公子爱上你，否则他又怎么会为你痛改前非？就算他真的爱上你，他就会为了你而按奈他的七情六欲？那软绵绵的胸部加上那湿润润的阴部，哪个君子能抵抗此诱惑？爱他够深，并且能接受他到处留精的行为，那就留下吧。可是，那也得看他要不要你呀。但，若你是不能接受却又要强己所难，何不学会放弃？的确，爱一个人得作出牺牲。不过也不甭作出无谓的自我牺牲吧。你爱他，却也不能忘了爱你自己。你要忍可以。不过，到最后，伤害了自己，没人对不起你。

既然大家都知道女孩都喜欢花花公子，我呼吁我国度的男人做个有用的情场高手，散发你们的魅力。

一个人应该为他/她的爱人改变吗？只要你愿意，有什么应不应该。不过，人应该自己常常自我检讨。别说：“这就是我呀！我就是这样！”，然后任性和倔强地 ‘做回自己’。做回自己有时等于做个禽兽。有时，我们得照照镜子，看看自己有多么的样衰。也许你没发觉是因为你宠坏自己了，还自以为自己很可爱。当一个人希望你改变时，不一定是他/她不接受真正的你，而是也许你实在是太样衰了。或许，他/她是为你好。如果改过一些缺点能把喜悦带给你的爱人，何不去做？如果你的缺点会让你的另一半不开心，你忍心再自私自利地只顾自己吗？改变自己真的有那么痛苦吗？

在一段感情中，双方都不是完美的，所以要互相协调，互相配合和互相礼让。同时，我们也要学会接受他/她人的缺陷。不过，如果一段感情缺乏爱的话，我相信人都是比较自私的。他们不会愿意为他/她的另一半着想。

不过，有些男生不择手段，滥用女生对他们纯洁的爱来换取他们混浊的恶主意。他们常用的借口是：“如果你爱我，你就会让我和你做爱。” 虽然这类女生已算是绝种，她们还是想把她们的第一次交给结婚以后的老公。不过，在男友咄咄逼人下，她们也许就只好硬着头皮，把原则弃之一旁，不干不愿地把自己交给男友。人的思想有差异时，互相尊重别人的不同是很重要的。但是，上述此话也并非无道理。她偏不跟你做爱，却和一个花心大少有性关系。是她被骗了吗？完全正确。可是，被骗的不是她的肉体，而是她的灵魂 - 她的爱。若她没有深深地爱上那坏蛋，她会乖乖地把自己交给他吗？就算她是个水性杨花的女孩，她也绝对不会爱上你这个不会甜言蜜语，死心塌地，稳重却呆板无趣的痴心汉。男人不坏，女人不爱。

爱是伟大的。当你爱一个人时，你会为他/她做很多很多的东西，包括改变自己。当然，这不代表你会有360度的改变。你只是希望满足对方的一些要求来讨好他/她。不过，这又不代表你强逼自己做一些你不喜欢或无法接受的事情。你是心甘情愿的，因为你爱他/她。只要能做让他/她开心的，你都会去做。因为他/她开心你也开心。他/她开心你却不开心，你就要坦白地告诉他/她，让他/她接受原来的你。

爱是伟大的。当你爱一个人时，你会接受他/她原有的样子。不管他/她怎么令人讨厌，你都会包容他/她。甚至，当你爱得走火入魔时，你会爱上他/她的缺点。也许跟一个花花公子在一起实在太辛苦了。不过，盲目的你会觉得什么都值得。你何止会咽下一口气，他放的臭屁你都会当新鲜空气大口大口地吸。伤心时你就会盼望他改过。不到你粉身碎骨，你都不会懂得放弃。到你真的粉身碎骨时，你还是执迷不悟。因为你的爱，你会全心全意地接受他，不管他是多么的烦恼。因为你的爱，就算你不接受他，你也会忍着痛苦，踉踉跄跄地走下去。

我爱的哲学似乎头头是道，几乎样样细节都疏而不漏。这篇论文好像叙说了一个无可辩驳，无可否认的事实。这仿佛包含了全马来西亚年轻华裔男女的真相。可惜，此篇谨乃本人陈泽桓师爷（少爷/二世祖）把亲身经历，人家体验的作个稳当的结论。或许，诸位会同意我的看法。但是，不同人对爱有不同的定义。对某些人而言，爱一个人不等于我会改变自己。爱一个也不等于我会接受原本的他/她。不过，我还是坚信如果你是真的真的真的爱他/她，你的说法会和我相同。另外，每个人爱的性质也有别。甲爱一个人会做某某事不表示乙爱一个人也就会做同样的东西，就算两者爱的程度都一样深。再说，每个人表达爱的方式都不一样。

爱情中有两大最为可悲的。这绝对不是没有创意的：‘世界上最遥远的距离不是生与死，而是我就站在你面前，你却不知道我爱你’。最为可悲之二乃：‘我爱得海底深的他不够爱我，我却不够爱把我爱得天顶高的他’。要找一个你我爱得一样深的人，谈何容易？在万人空巷中能找到此人，不亦乐乎？

爱情最为可悲之一是不管爱情是场游戏，赌注，契约，承诺，意外，计划，投资等，没有人是可以逃过‘受伤’的手掌心。爱情可以是个既危险又刺激的游行，也可以是个细水长流的路程。不过，不是我伤你就是你伤我。最为可悲之一之最可悲就是这段学习过程中，往往伤心欲绝，失望透彻时才会恍然大悟。而伤心和失望之余，更痛苦的是你只可以选择离开。痛苦中的痛苦，是当你陷入一筹莫展，什么都不能做的逆境。在这充满遗憾及内疚的游戏里，你我都成长了。不过，你已失去了多少？又伤了几个无辜的人？虽然如此，承认与否，每个人还是对爱情充满憧憬 -是大家心中最渴望的。

One of the suckiest things in life is when you will have no choice but to give up on your dreams. Once the dreams seemed so sweet and achievable but all of the sudden, there is a twist of fate and you are faced with no other option but the relinquishment of such dreams.

Whether it was basketball or relationship, my soul was only amputated when I had to give up.

One of the other suckiest things in life is that when you break up with someone, you break up with the entire pack of people. Then, sometimes when you meet your exes, you just pretend like there is nothing but as a matter of fact, there is awkwardness or mild abomination.

As we grow, our minds have turned like leeches. As far as I am concerned, any sadness or memory did not cling onto me when I was a child. As our minds develope, our memory advances. We can capture details or feelings. Then, new phases of life are presented to us as every second ticks but our minds do not register new input but rather dwell on one that is heart wrenching or exasperating.

I need more training. There is a need for a constant rethinking of my life. As we learn, we tend to put old things into new perspectives. We bring new interpretations to what has had happened. But in actual fact, all that is unnecessary for the past is the past.

We want to detach from the past so badly sometimes but it is impossible as the past makes who we are today. But we cannot start anew unless we have an amnesia. We constantly compare now with the past and make necessary amendments so that we could never be who we were. Usually, a system overhaul helps us escape from the grasp of the haunting past. That is why some people have turned gay. They are in denial of the past during which they liked women. Women would be a subject which they would deny for the rest of their lives.

That also explains why a loyal and innocent boy could turn into a playboy. Not everyone is born a playboy. Some people have turned into beasts because of a sad tale behind. Hitch clearly depicts how a geek has turned into a dating expert. I was so going to fully transform into a pick up artist when I have met mi’armour. I am going to give myself another chance to love and be loved.

What we have now is a reconciliation of what that did not work out. As long as we are alive, things will fall into place. Why did I have to meet her and go through shit if I knew that things would end in bad terms? Can I not meet my mi’armour for the very first time? Why did I have to get hurt and break hearts to be where I am today?

If only time travel is made possible so that I could be whisked in any juncture where alteration is necessary. ‘Back to the future’ series is one of my favourite fantasies and I wish to travel in time to fix any imperfection. But time is linear. It moves forward although some of us are cursed to look backward. It is cruel.

Sometimes, I see movie makers as failures because they can only bring fiction into reality through movies, however inspiring they are. I can always achieve closure that I cannot achieve in reality through writing. I can always weave strings of ground breaking ideas and produce a new culture. But how can I invent a time machine?

In my pathetic life, only a few fantasies came true. I have become a prom king on several occassions, setting a record that nobody could defeat. I call myself the King of balls as I have stolen shows and risen to the pinnacle out of mundaneness and passivity in class.

My horoscope keychain says that I am "an individual who regularly achieves his goals". Can the picture of fiction and picture of reality be synchronized? Is the precise picture of reality out of reach? Actually, it is boring to materialize the exact picture of fantasy. I prefer to be caught off guard and surprised.

I love things when they are natural. Scheming, however, can be fun too. I think I should sign up for military training. Sometimes, I wonder my investments are even worth. For example, investing my time and energy in what I have been doing such as blogging. We all want immediate results and visible outcomes but most of the time, nothing can be predicted. I did not even know that I would stumble onto such part time job in Zouk through modelling and emceeing.

There are controversies and adversaries and I only wish to enjoy every moment and thing I do. "Carpe Diem", they say but it is always tough to carry out what we have set out to do. All the best to myself!

What I really need at this point of time is soul searching but I thought I have been doing this all my life. In my quest of searching for answers, there are too many paths and I know each step I take is almost irreversible.

There is a deep desire to be cast away on an island, living out of civilisation. In a world where violence dictates, evil prevails and hypocrisy is the way of life, it is only debilitating to be alive. Many have vowed to change the lives of the unfortunate but only a few have managed to succeed.

I am a tiny drop in the ocean and sometimes, it is invigorating to think of myself as someone great and special. Like I am the one who can do wonders. Maybe I can. God knows. But I do not even know where to begin with. My mother said start with my room as it is in a total mess. Maybe she is right.

As time passes by, I am dragged slowly through its space, from an adorable infant turning into a saggy meat of hair. The brain has not evolved. The innocence stays. The ineptness is a parasite. The stupidity multiplies. I said there is a change in the man in the mirror but then again, I am so trapped in my own ignorance, ideologies and discourses. And that is just how far I can travel across discourses.

I have tested the water with my toes. I always have wanted to be a fierce and lethal martial artist. I always have wanted to have a deathly weapon such as the Katana sword. I always have wanted to be in the military. I always have wanted to fight like Donnie Yen. I always have wanted to spin as a DJ. I always have wanted to be a breakdancer. I always have wanted to establish a fight club. I always have wanted to go to Egypt. I always have wanted to explore all the clubs in KL. I always have wanted to play basketball like a pro. I always have wanted to be a pro bodybuilder. I always have wanted to have sex in a classroom. I always have wanted to delve into satanism. I always have wanted to learn astrology. I always have wanted to possess psychic powers. I always have wanted to know every single truth that seems to just twist and turn in the lies and pretense of humans. I always have wanted to be a stronger person emotionally, mentally and physically.

As I grow up, my demands increase but my resources decrease. Maybe I should be a vegetarian again. Maybe I should fence myself from the world and study Buddhism for a few months again. Or maybe I should just get a job and live my life like a piece of junk. Maybe I should be a writer since writing is what I like to do.

Sometimes, it is just more than a coincidence that things in my life are arranged in a specific way. I begin having a tinge of faith in God. Maybe He does exist. Maybe He does have a plan for all of us. Why do I get lucky sometimes? Why is my life lined up like that? But God, if you really do exist, please find the missing puzzles for me. As days pass by, I can only see myself drifting into an oblivion furnished with my pessimism and obscure predictions. It is always easier to visualize the worst scenarios or situations in life than having a clear vision and bright hopes. I see my life decomposing every single minute.   

When one is afraid of losing someone, he is bound to losing that person.

Anakin Skywalker or Darth Vader was scared of losing his beloved wife and all the things that he did to prevent himself from losing her actually added up to her eventual death. When I was truly obsessed with someone, I had my grips on someone’s neck and that person was suffocated out of love.

Today, I see my life spiralling into the same pattern again and my heart has been blanketed with fear.

I am not a person who throws away things just like that. People lose material possessions and forget about it the next day. I get heartbroken for anything that falls into my palms but slips through my fingers and vanishes.

The outcome of being possessive is only damaging, as anyone could imagine. I grab my babe’s hand all the time, depriving her of space and whatever she requires to live. I refuse to let go of her hand even for a second and in the end, I find myself grabbing the hand of a corpse.

A real life situation was that I had poured heaps of noisy crickets into the aquarium for my tarantula and in the end, it did not even take a bite. Such excess only gave it the reverse effect of appetizing and since then, its days had been numbered.

I fear losing people, objects and even myself. I fear losing my integrity in the face of evil influence. I fear losing what I have held onto so badly. Maybe the person whose hand I hold onto will not turn into a corpse but I will. I would turn into an apparition which has no difficulty passing through walls but has no possibility of clutching my beloved’s hand.

Feeling lost and disoriented all the time.

Do something about it then!

Do what?

Aggression is my daily meal.

What is your purpose in life?

Just do what you want to and have to do now.

Two major things to focus on now: Studies and your babe.

While focusing on those, what else ought you to be doing?

Exercise- Be fit and strong because you must be a macho, macho man!

What do you call ‘masturbating in order to seduce’? Masturbaiting.

What do you call ‘competing to ejaculate the fastest’? Masturbetting.

What do you call ‘masturbating when you are bathing’? Masturbathing.

What do you call ‘masturbating on your bed’? Masturbedding.

What do you call ‘masturbating in a masterbed room’? Masterbedding.

He was reluctant at first, for a reason I could also have had but discarded. After some persuasion, he finally agreed and history repeated itself. But this time around, we are totally unfit. The last time we had a session like this dated back a few years ago.

Rule number one: No low blow. Rule number two: No attacking the eyes. Rule number three: No straight punch to the nose. Those are the rules of our sparring session.

After some warm-up, we did not procrastinate. Immediately, I threw a few straight punches. Then, I landed a punch on his chest. He retaliated. He got one buried in my mine. I turn kicked but he blocked most of them. Employing wushu style most of the time, I slapped away his kicks too then charged towards his abdominal area.

Then, a sudden back thrust of his got me. I also had a straight foot stepping onto his stomach, almost hitting his groin. Then, as he attacked, I used a side kick to counter, planting my foot into his waist. When I attacked, I always made an opening. He took advantage of it a few times but lamented that his jabs and crosses were not quick enough.

I was panting. I have lost my stamina. The second round commenced after a few gulps of water and air. He tried kicking but my elbow must have injured his leg.

Inspired by Fight Club and movies directed by Donnie Yen especially SPL and Flash Point, I have decided to be a street fighter.

If both of us were to defend ourselves out there, we could have died in a few minutes. We are martial arts basic learners. Our combat experiences are shallow.

I feel so good to be injured now. My hand is slightly numb. The bottom of my feet hurts as a result of the friction between the rough floor outside and my feet. I feel alive and have realised that without a clouded mind, free of the thoughts of winning or losing or being afraid to be injured, I fought better and fought like a man. It was all about survival and mental acuity. Also, without any rule or style of martial arts governing my mind and body, my relatively free-style moves have earned me points.

There was no emotion when I was fighting. I did not feel angry or frustrated. When Ken Loong hit me, I laughed about it and gave him credit. There was no violence or aggression in me. I did not want to kill him. He is my friend. We were fighting to discover ourselves. Discover how far we could go. Discover how strong we are. Discover how weak we are.

The less fun past was that we did not really punch faces. I always avoided that sort of combat fighting because I know a punch can loosen teeth or swell a mouth. I ain’t scared anymore. Give me a black eye. Extract my teeth. I have no fear anymore. I am totally filled with the passion of fighting. It is an art. It is called martial arts.

If we knew more moves, the spirit might have been heightened. If I was in a ring, I might have lifted him, while he would certainly shrug me off by punching me, and slammed him onto the ring carpet. Or maybe I would apply some submission moves and lock his joints, forcing him to tap out.

My moves are limited. So is Ken’s. But having a session like this makes me feel worth as a man. At least I am not a metrosexual who is afraid of having any scar on his face. At least, I am not a gym maniac who pumps his body with protein, lifts weight and runs on a treadmill like a rat running in a merry-go-round in a cage. I want my body designed as a weapon and also a source of strength.

I want to fight! I want to fight! I want to fight!    

What is the point of having Windows Live Messenger when most of my contacts do not talk to me? If I do not say hi, would they? I guess I am not so popular after all. I think people prefer chatting with me face-to-face. I will make people like to talk to me on Windows Live Messenger and they will like it so much that they would want to meet up with me to talk to me. Then, the same thing goes for talking on phone. They get so high talking on phone with me and they want to see me immediately.

Some people talk vivaciously on MSN but in reality, they treat each other like ice. I had that experience during high school when back then most people were using ICQ. I had so much fun chatting with different people but when we met eye to eye in school, we pretended not to know each other.

The cyber space is always unreal. What is real is what meets the eyes. While the cyber space makes communications convenient as we do not have to physically exist together with another person, I prefer having an offline rendezvous.

What is the point of Friendster? I can upload all my handsome and crazy photos for millions to see if only millions want to see. I can have millions viewing my profile if millions would want to see. I guess if I was a sexy babe, many guys would text me or want to add me. I will enjoy a celebrity’s or luminary’s status. So what? Why would I want to place myself under people’s surveillance?

But opportunities are there. My Friendster profile is also my resume. People would hire me if they want me. People would get me into ads if I was a suitable candidate. But it never happened before. If it happens, it happens. If it does not, so what?

I felt the meaningless of Friendster and MSN as there are better things to do than updating my profile, blogging or being on MSN. I guess I will just have them to update my friends who want to be updated. Maybe Friendster is a means to reach the far and remote. Maybe Friendster is to know how my friends are doing.

Why blog? I am focussing out. I am no longer self centered and do not confine myself within the personal space of My Blog. I do not want to live in my mind. I want to live in reality. Why blog then? To update friends about special events. To cordially invite friends to some breath-taking parties. PVD is coming man! I am reluctant to promote my blog although people always say I do. I am just always making reference to the things I say here. Like what I have said, I wish this blog can answer some of your questions in life. I wish it will enlighten you. If people want to read my blog, be my guest. Those who do not want to, it is not my loss.

Friends have complaint that my entries are long winded. As a matter of fact, in my opinion, they are just thoroughly elaborated. They are not hard to read. It is not flowery. It is comprehensible. Well, maybe what I write is not attractive. Maybe what I write is too cruelly truthful, cold and gloomy. There is no sun here. People do not like rainy days.

It is just some simple thoughts of an ordinary man. I am not a beautiful snow flake. I am just the all dancing and singing crap of this world. When people have Friendster, I need to have it too. When people have MSN, I need to go with the flow. When people shuffle to Trance, I shuffle too. When people drink, I drink too. So many toos maybe I should be named Lilian Too. Maybe King Too? That is why I am always number two. How can I start a trend? When can I have my say? When are people going to eat their food clean and leave their plates shining like mine? I know my babe did follow me. Nobody is following and that is real cool. Because nobody is going to be a copy of me. I am truly an individual. One day, I will wear what I will only wear. One day, I will talk the way I can only talk.

Pay me Astro! I have helped you advertise: "Halo, Astro?" Pay me Digi! I have helped you advertise: "Hellooo brada! Me watching movie! The hero also die! Eh, many people looking at me! Who cares? Who dares scold me? I Taikor mar!" Pay me Canon! "Canon, delighting you always". Pay me the government! I have helped you promote the anti-privacy campaign: "Boss, boss! This copy I sell ah, very good one!" I am doing pro bono for Michael Jackson though. For the King of Pop, everything is free. In fact, I have to pay you because I have violated your copyright. You are the sole proprietor of Moonwalk. You can claim authorship on cock-grabbing and "Aww!"-yelling.

Does anyone write like me? Or do I write like someone? Who talks like me? Who walks like me? Maybe I am an individual to certain extent. Maybe I am a maverick too. I am no longer striving to be different. I am not desperate for being a unique corn flake. I am different. But I am still a follower. I subscribe to Satanism. I am still not a pioneer or entrepreneur. Einstein did not strive to be different. He was. He was who he was and he was recognized. MJ did not strive to be different. He is who he is and he has revolutionised dancing. I am who I am but will I be consequential or influential enough to change the society? If it happens, it happens. I will just stick around.

Why blog? What answer have I got now? To express. Life is all about expressions. But life is not about impressing others. My expressions may impress but it does not matter if they do not. I can’t please the world so I will not. You like me, you join me. You do not like me, what do I care?

It boils down to one and only one reason for writing. To maintain or improvise my writing skill. Writing is my strength. I should not waste it. What is more, pen is always mightier than sword. Hire me, magazines! Hire me, advertising firms! Hire me, creative directors! But I want to be a boss.