My Blog

Sudah pun 2 tahun beta(Kerana namaku "King") tak sentuh bahasa Melayu. Rasanya bahasa beta sudah karat!

Aku kenangi masa aku masih dalam sekolah menengah kerana prestasi bahasa aku gilang-gemilang. Hal ini kerana guru tuisyen aku, Mr. Goey adalah seorang guru yg sangat unggul dlm bahasa. Jika dia baca apa yg saya tulis di sini sekarang, patutnya dia akan putih mata(kecewa).

Saya masih mengingati bahasa berbunga-bunga yg diajar olehnya. Contohnya, aku seorang budak yg berdarah setampuk pinang dan berusia setahun jagung. Kehidupanku tidak tentu arah, ibarat bahtera yg tidak berkemudi di tengah samudera yg bergelora. Aku kebobrokan nilai murni dan sudah terjerumus ke lembah kehinaan. Aku sanggup menggadaikan badan aku demi keseronokan beberapa saat.

Untuk semua kawanku: Tiga ayat pertama diajar oleh Mr. Goey. Yg lain disambungkan oleh emakku.

Aku tidur tak lena, makan tak lalu, mandi tak basah, berak tak keluar, kencing basah seluar dan kentut semua orang pun dengar!

Aku ketawa terbahak-bahak apabila menelaah apa yg aku tulis!

好久没有与中文接触，虽然偶尔在朋友之间会用华语沟通。

为什么用华语？懂得华语的朋友们，这是因为我的网路和手机情人拉拉，给了我这灵感！谢谢你握拉拉！

英文固然重要，但我不能因此而忽略华文。我想我应该精通三语言。

身为华人，我觉得不但华语要讲得好，写也要出色。我对自己的华文程度蛮自豪的，因为大多数马来西亚的华裔一到中学就停读华文。

令人感叹的是，现在“香蕉人”越来越多。我觉得身为华人，不能忽视自己的起源。我们是黄皮肤的。我们来自中国，不能失去我们几千年流传下来的文化。

说到文化，思想方面要开通，但中文还是要掌握好。

不知为什么，华裔常把孩子送到英或马来校念书。难道他们觉得华文已不重要？

最近，他们开始注重华文，因为中国发展迅速，华文将会是个很重要的语言。

华文是全世界最难学的语言，所以晓得华文，我觉得蛮光荣的。

其实周围人的英语和华语水准都蛮偏激的。有的朋友只会英文，华语一略不知。有些华文会讲，英文却蛮烂的。幸好我在中间。

也许下一篇我写马来文哈哈！这点子不错！

1 of scorpio’s greatest weaknesses is obsession. And I think that I am obsessed with blogging! Bcoz it is new to me so my passion and fascination with it is so strong that I can’t help flooding my blog with an avalanche of thoughts. Again, I wonder… "In the long run, is this gonna benefit me?" "Does it take up too much time?" "Has this any bad implication such as misunderstanding of friends towards my personality?" "Is the language I use transparent? “My thoughts controlling the language or the language controlling my thoughts?” The limitation of vocabulary would limit my capacity to express my thoughts. "Does this improve in better language skills?" "Does this help improve my ability to express thoughts and emotions and in a way enhances communication skills?"

I used to post comments on www.circles99.com where a group of high school friends gather to chat. But I have literally absconded from that group because I have other communication channels to keep in touch with the friends whom I care about.

I guess my blogging here is like performing a show or play in front of audience. I moonwalk; it captivates the audience but I am also invigorated, by myself. Just like putting on a good show, the audience gets ecstatic and so do I. Of course, the boisterous roars are fulfilling, but not as much as me feeling that I have done a beautiful moonwalk. I slide bckwards & I feel like God…

You knw what? Since there r so many reality series today such as Fear Factor and Average Joe, I thought of one. Celebrities are usually distant and they are like a galaxy of luminous stars in sky that are beyond reach. Feel sad about this. Like they live in another world, that is intangible. Unless you are a star or back-stage coordinator, you would never be able to interact with them. The question is: "Is there a celebrity in your life?" They may not be on TV, they may not be well-known, but you feel that they are like celebrities. The reality show that I wanna make is one that searches "Life" celebrities. They r ur frens, they may be ur parents, they may be ur relatives whom you think unique and have the personality of a star. Dun u think this idea is cool?

It is both good and bad to be writing for a group of audience. Imagine oneself under the inpection of others. For example, if a teacher is watching you in class, you would not be mischevious. In the interrogation room(with hidden video cams), to prove yourself innocent, you would be quietly sitting and not to arouse suspection. In the movie "Psycho" starring Anthony Perkins, an old film directed by Alfred Hitchcock, the last scene showed that Norman Bates or "The mother" did not even swat a fly because she did not want the police to feel leery. And now that I know a group of audience would be reading my posts, I am under surveillance and my actions are consciously "controlled". People are conscious about their image and reputation. If you are in the bath room, and you know that you are alone, would you care to scrub dirt off yourself in a majestic way or sumthing? U do it naturally coz u knw no one is watching. U may hum a song or dance like Johny English. You dig your nose like having Michael Jackson’s nose surgery. But in front of others, you hide that blobbery belly, u hide under makeups etc.

And now that I got readers who would read my stuff, my actions are more or less controlled. I care what ppl think but my ambivalence reduces the emphasis on other ppl’s perception because a self-centered person I am.

Does the word "self-centered" lead to negative thinking? I think ppl often mix up this with "selfish". I believe the idea that in order to conquer the world and improve your surroundings, you 1st have to change yourself. Michael Jackson’s song "Man in the mirror" delineates the importance of looking at yourself and making some changes. As the lyrics go: "I starting with the man in the mirror…If you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself then make a change…" Day by day, I strive for excellence.

Is perfection excellence? I knw some ppl out there do not agree but I do not give a damn. Coz I think it is. But perfection does not equal excellence. Juz that perfection is a kind of excellence, & the kind that I labour on. If readers did read my previous post more than once, and if they r observant, they would have noticed that the content changed all the time. I edited several times and reread multiple times to ensure that it is nuthing but perfect. Even if it is for my personal viewing only, I would do the same. Now that I am satisfied that’s y I have moved on to this post…

I am again torn in a dilemma whether to write for a group of audience or to write for myself for personal viewing. Being a fast decision maker, I would have a mixture of both. If I write for spectators, usually I would deliberately select words and arrange syntax in a manner that satisfies both myself and audience. The problem, however, is that the process of words production or rather the flow or continuity of expression may be broken every now and then for polishing. Not until a segment is confirmed perfect will I resume to the next train of thought. But for the past few posts that I wrote, I did not take the audience into account as evidently, I stated: "I wonder ppl would read my blog". I disregarded the existence of audience. It is the 1st time ever that I have become so serious about this question. Should my essays or articles be "audience-included" or "audience-free"?

Audience-included entertains and usually has a grandiloquence of vocabulary or exaggerated descriptions about an event. Every single sentence is forged in detail and a frequent review is made to ensure perfection. The weakness in it is that the flow is hampered and the expression of thoughts tends to appear unnatural. The strong will to establish a perfect piece in which every stage of writing is dissected and worked upon diversely and latter linking them again makes it artificial and hypocritical. If the alphabets are built with wood, some alphabets extend high while others low, making a rough surface & same thing when u read that sort of text, u get the rough sensation. Audience-free, on the other hand, serves the purpose of entertaining no one but the author. It excites the author as the thoughts stream into the mind and the brain mechanically orders the motor receptors of hand to write the words that cross the mind. Unlike an audience-included article, the words are not decorative and do not meticulously merge syntax, regardless of the impression given to others. Hence, in an audience-included article, you may find bombastic words that u seldom come across with. But in an audience-free article, because it is reflective of intrinsic values, thoughts and emotions, simple words are used. The beauty of audience-free essay is that it soothes the mind of audience because it is simple and easy to understand. For mysterious authors that do not want to reveal the actual self, they usually indulge in the audience-included approach, covering every flaw and possible damage to oneself. The actual self is brilliantly concealed with precise and flowery words that detach themselves from reality and audience sometimes find it hard to relate themselves to the words. It lacks the sense of "real" and "reality". The audience-free approach, unleashes the original and naked self. Not only audiences are able to relate themselves to it but by identifying with any character or experience, the feeling is directly felt and understood. Also, there is pleasure of voyeurism in audience as a piece is written like a diary. The pleasure of voyeurism is a pleasure of power and control because as they peep into other lives n gain confidential information about others, they hold a secret and obtain the sense of control. Perhaps some authors take the audience-included approach to assert their subjectivity or to manipulate the audience’s train of thoughts.

Hw about this post? Is this an audience-included or audience-free article? Both. I am talking to myself and all that would read this. I think most articles are also a mixture of both. Both are at 2 extreme ends and articles vary in their level of inclination towards either audience-free or audience-included. Of course, the content of an article may alter also according to the size of audience, the level of knowledge of audience, and gender and age perhaps if u r writing for a group of audience.

Y this idea suddenly popped up in my mind? Bcoz I was hesitating to take which approach for my PD trip.

Obviously ppl do read my blog haha! Thanx man my ace-buddy Matthew Wong Ju Yuan for giving some comments! Yeahh give a big stunner to any bitch or slut!! Suddenly, my pic of imagination has changed & thanx to u bro! Nw it would be sunny day & the beach is teeming with hot babes in bikinis! woohoo!! There bounces, and the clothe vibrates, gonna reveal sumthing! Those fair skin, soft n tender long legs. Those long hair floating in the air, releasing aromatic pheromones! Then I grab them 1 by 1 as they yell hysterically, & cast them into the sea. They emerge soaky & sexy & slippery & my slippery hands touch what is desirable intentionally & unintentionally…But damn! My 6 paks r gone n a big belly is all i got! What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?! The answer is sleep… "Go pack ur stuff, burn some trance songs & get some sleep!"

Y am I writing all these? For me to read or for others? I have no idea. I wonder ppl would read my stuff. Well, they would if what you post is interesting enough. If they like you, they would too no matter how boring you are. But if you are real boring, they won’t like u in the 1st place. Anyway, what is boring and what is not? I guess some do not read for the sake of entertainment but as a way to get to know a person better. Y wanna get to knw better? Concerned or wanna update yourself? Are you a curious person wanting to dive into others’ lives? Everyone can be fascinating. What life u got? What life I got?

I think too much, and sometimes I feel that I may go mad. What r u gonna do nw? Maybe u would delete all these posts 1 day for another fresh start. Ya, I always have fresh starts. Maybe others always have too.

Maybe I should get off the monitor and do some work instead of pouring feelings in alphabetical forms for myself to see. And as I read, these words register one more time in my mind and I really do not knw what I would get out of it.

In a few hours I am going to Port Dickson. Pic of black grease contaminated sea water comes into mind. A pic of me puffing some tobacco and drinking some beer comes into mind. Pic that I anticipate: Getting to knw my dream girl on the beach. If that happens, the black water matters no more. I hold both of her hands, face-to-face with her as she lowers her head, abashed in tomato red. The breeze blows and her hair ruffles across her face, helping to cover her shyness. I slowly hug her in my arms, in me, in my heart. I close my eyes to enjoy her warmth and heartbeat. Her heart pulsates and my throbs. Both like drums hitting each other…The sound of waves crashing on shore n breeze sends a cold chill dwn our spine but the warmth thickens as we hug tightier, feeling each other deeper…

High expectation always ends in deep disappointment. Maybe I should juz drink some beer, play some mahjong and puff some Dunhill menthol light…I feel like a man that way…And after all those alcohol and tobacco, my voice comes out hoarse, rusty and deep and I feel like Stone Cold Steve Austin or Van Diesel, except that I am not bald…

PD, here I come!!!! Talk some trash, listen to some trance and throw some skinny asses into the swimming pool!   

Y do we dream during sleep? Science explains that it is a state of mind named REM (Rapid Eye Movement) where our sleep is shallow. The mind is not in absolute rest state so that it conjures up images that usually have no connection with reality. If you dream a lot, it means you are sleepless or you have had enough sleep and about to wake up.

I love to dream. Dreaming is like watching a movie. And my dreams are much more exciting than those movies that hit the box office. Dreamt of aliens, flying in sky and all sorts. A few years bck, I dreamt that my dad was dying and he did. I woke up in tears. A few days ago, it was my mom, who plummeted from a high floor towards the hard concrete floor. U knw, 1 of those a few storeys high shopping complex, such as Midvalley. And at every wing, there is a circle for u to look dwn at ppl if u r at higher floors except ground floor. My mom hopped into mid air and descended. I was not at the edge so I did not see her plunge. But i heard a loud crash and I knew she was in a bloody mess. I was strong after her death though. I told my commrades that this is an example of cowardice: escaping reality.

Yesterday I had a ghostly encounter in my dream. Spirits were lurking at corners and any weakling was to be possessed. Dreams are thrilling! Really gives me inspiration for any future script or essay. Even if it is a camera angle, they are superb!

I felt melancholy when i was at my friend’s house juz now. I used to like that girl and those feelings came to an end when I fled from her circle of life. But she was there & she gave me the old feelings that I used to have for her. Maybe not so strong but there was this impetuous feeling in me of hugging her and softly kissing her lips, grasping that romantic moment every second in my heart. I really loved the girls I loved, with all I had, with all my heart. Today standing in front of each of them, they have changed, I have. I loved them…

I always thought: "Hmm…Writing stories about themselves daily? What’s up with that?" I ain’t so free n ain’t have so many stories to tell & I ain’t have friends who would keep their eyes on me anyway. But this is the trend & i dun wan to be left behind. Who inspired me to have my own blog? As usual, that that that that that that girl. Haha! Maybe this would be diary, maybe this would let ppl understd me better or maybe…Whatever it is, now I am in the club & Let’s get blogging!