My Blog

What did I do on 24th & 25th? 24th I think I went to Rush coz I couldn’t make it to Loft. Then I got to know 2 new girls. 25th I think I went to Redbox. 26th was the birthday of my blog!

27th was a form 6 gathering or reunion party that had nothing to do with me but I was invited, not by the host, but by some1 who did not study form 6 as well. Din noe that it was a reunion party until recently. So, was I a gatecrasher? Not exactly. Coz there were other gatecrashers too.

If it was hungry ghost festival I would have been a ghost coz I was 1 of the earliest to arrive & if any1 wondered that day that how come there were only so few chicken drumsticks I actually also dun know you see.

I know some of them & did chat with them a lil but gradually, as the no. of ppl increased, I became an outsider, a stranger & I realized I had to sit on the sofa to watch the TV. The TV screened some taiwanese program teaching girls how to wear bikinis & all the saucy eyes started to stick to the TV. Oh yeah, there was also a girl who was intently watching coz I think she wanna learn how to wear bikini & make "it" look big too. I remb drinking 3 cans of coke & suddenly getting conscious about the fact that Coke kills sperm. Then I felt the uneasiness that my testis were pumped with coke & sperms being killed.

I got bck to the dining table for more food & a girl asked me some stuff that led to my all time fav topic- astrology. She was a scorpio so I did my best & all I knew to explain that we control the house of sex and also death & rebirth. That’s why when a scorpion’s tail is ripped, a new one would grow. We are controlled by two planets: Mars, the planet of war & Pluto, a planet that symbolizes death & rebirth. We are mysterious, easily jealous and revengeful. We are compatible with scorpio, cancer etc. Then I rambled about other zodiac signs. Nobody would ever think that a guy would be so into horoscope. There’s one & baby, you are looking at it.

I threw my hands in the air in fake anger & said: "What the..? All also studying Science!" Yeap. Those in the house were science students who plan to become engineers, doctors, dentists etc. Well, I am trampling on "the road not taken". Most of my buddies are either doing business or science. I am doing communication. I was baffled. You wanna be in that lab? You wanna be a doctor who is on call anytime? Yup the pay is high, no doubt. Studies already stress our ass out. You wanna go through that stress for the rest of your life? "Why, I can’t do it"

Then some ppl got me to play mahjong. I was never an ace at it. It was never my game. All this while, I had the mentality that this was a game of 70% luck & 30% skills. But unconsciously, for as long as I did not play since chinese newyear, I realized that adhering to such mentality is a shortcut to losing every game. "Yes, luck is always on my side. But that luck is bad". So whatever 30, 70% I have to 100% depend on skills. I made my mental acuity work & I played with mind functioning ingeniously. Coz this is also a game of probability, I thoroughly "washed" the tiles every time to make sure that those desirable tiles landed on my corner. That nite, I was not amazing like god of gamble but I did defeat other opponents too many a time that got them outta game several times.

Since my blog is my blog, I am gonna bitch about some asshole who does not deserve to go to university and indeed, if God exists, he is right for the 1st time…

Then it was time for me to go home, to pack for tomorrow, coz tomorrow was a PD trip! (27-6-05)

Having made my mind to explore all clubs in KL, today was the day to visit Cream at Renaissance hotel. It was a new club, that is furnished the way former Rush, Viva was. Heard from my fren that the workers there used to work in Viva too.

It was elegant and the lightings are alike with Rush. I dun knw hw Viva looked like anyway. It is not really a place to dance coz the floor in vicinity of the sofas is carpeted. Nonetheless, it did not stop my frens & I from shuffling. We drank some beer, drank some lumbergini flame & spotted a prey.

I went near the dance floor & bck shuffled a lil & a few aunties yelled. III They yelled again. III I had to do that shy-shy hand signal & smiled abashedly like Jay Chou. After they were gone sumwhere else, I raised to that particular small stage & danced.. A bouncer asked me to get dwn. He said that was only for girls. Another most embarrassing moment was added to my embarrassment list.

All of us had our eyes on a girl, & the only girl, who was shuffling & looked pretty. Then my frens made a bet that I had no guts to talk to her. Only 1 fren was on my side n said I ain’t a coward. Indeed, I was never a coward, after I left high school.

During f4’s holidays, a few friends & I went for Sunny Yee’s revision tuition that lasted a week. We saw a girl in pink & thought she was kinda adorable. Some guy whom is our fren already made the move. But my frens dared me to do the same. I backed off. They did not call me chicken but no balls. "No balls, no balls, no balls!" Those were the words that hurt a big man’s ego.

Today, I got too many balls. But even my balls are big, I also have to wait for an opportunity, the so called right time, to make the move. Cannot be like jaws, which has the music "dendendendenden" nor make an abrupt appearance that scare the shit outta ppl. Subtly, u emerge like a sun rising from mountains. I think I made that Jaws mistake that day. Coz like a mandarin saying, I beat the grass to scare the snake. I think the girl knew I was watching her.

But all that did not matter. The matter of the fact, was to get to knw the girl & win the goddamn bet. There was this irritating guy talking to her all the time & I did not have chance to even walk up to say hi. So I was pacing, sitting on the sofa, dancing a lil but my eyes were glued to the target. Time was running & friends were urging to leave coz they wanted to go to Rush since we were left with no money for more drinks. That place is no youngsters but a bunch of uncles who wanted to chill & feel young again. "Go home & accompany your wives!"

I told my frens: "Gimme 5 more mins!" I was waiting n waiting for that right time. There was no right time! I got pissed, stood from the sofa & almost strode to that girl. Almost? Why? A jerk must have noticed my intention & he quickly pulled the girl to his seat & drank with her. She was in between 2 guys & there was no way I could intervene. "I should not hesitate so long next time" Coz if a situation is bad, it may turn from bad to worse. Next, needless to say, a bunch of crows were bombarding me with "Boo…", "Sigh! Summore call yourself King" blablabla. Whatever. Buggers!

While I was on my way out, those 2 aunties who yelled passed by & yelled again: "This guy is very lengcai!" I was not wrong. I am an auntie’s pet. A genuine "Si Lai Sut Sao". (23-6-05)

I had been comforting myself that those Initial D-Atmos tickets that I threw were nothing. "Anyway, it would be damn packed so what’s so nice to see?" I had been comforting myself damn hard, to hold dwn the disappointment that was recurring.

While I was slurping the Laksa at 1U, suddenly, my fren got a call & he asked whether I wanna go coz there was 1 extra free ticket. I flew with joy. But they said unless I promised not to sing "Dun phunk with my heart".

So, I was at Atmos, squishing with other fatties. Out of sudden, all cheered & we saw those 4 handsome casts walked across the upper area of Atmos. I was excited. B-zai, Edison, Shawn & Jay! They were really handsome. I was near to tears to see them live…

As they left, many fans also did. Left us, some punks in club shuffling on the dance floor. At Atmos, shuffle experts do not shuffle at the dance floor. They are always near the sofas. I call that area ‘expert zone’ while the dance floor is ‘beginner zone’.

As usual, DJ Love announced that it was last song & we left. (22-6-05)

At Atmos, there was this drifting game machine & I had to play to earn some free tickets to see those Initial D cast in Atmos. Dumb enough, I thought those were some discount coupons & left them on the table. The embarrassment at Atmos on 18th was so great that I had to split two articles so that it would not be felt too deeply. I was never a "Daytona" player but quite a "SpeedRacer"fan. So, I had 1 time testing b4 I played the drifting game for real. I banged the sides all the time. Well, I had a reason. Coz I was being cocky & speeding with 1 hand. Then, when the real thing came, things got better with both hands but still, I was not good enough to beat the computer player.

After the curtain of Atmos dropped, I went to talk to the chic that I got to know. She said I looked like 25. Her sis said I looked like 30. A big sweat rolled dwn my head.

Nevertheless, I did not throw away 2 free Initial D sneak preview movie tickets. At KLCC, they set up a special place for Initial D. We were served with some snacks & could view a lil of how the movie was made. Then of course, the movie was rather good.

"Meh hai sun? Sun kei sut dou hai yan, but guo zhou zuo yan zhou mem dou ge ye, suo yi gew san". (21-6-05)

It was long before I shuffle again. & when I began to do it again, I did it at a powder spread dance floor at Atmos. It was my 1st time at Atmos. My homeground is Rush but I wanna break through the tradition & check out some other happening clubs.

I had to thank Ashley coz she bought me a pack of Korean brand cigarettes fr Bali. B4 we got in, I puffed the new pack. But there was this damn silly thing I did at the mamak table. I saw 2 cans of beer on the table, thinking that those were my fren’s and gulped a big mouth of one. Then realization came about & I spat the water under my jeans. My frens laughed like hell & when I looked around, those Carlsberg cans were everywhere on other tables that were empty. Frens said that I was drunk before drinking.

My legs were stiff & with extra fats accumulated throughout the entire sem, my shuffle wasn’t a shuffle but one that was gonna slip anytime. My dance moves weren’t dance moves but more to balance those fats that kept flowing from one side to another. I was fat and my fren said it wasn’t obvious until I danced. Those fats bounced up and down.

Then my fren & I said that if today we could not get to knw any chic we could not go home. So, I was on the shuffle zone, shaking those fats & searching high & low. I guessed that was the day I totally lost my charisma as a sex & sexy beast. Not only was I fat but I looked cheeky, sweaty & simply annoying. & I had the cheeks to ascend to the stage to spin the sweat off. I think many had III on their foreheads. But it did not matter coz my exam was over & I wanted to party like no tomorrow.

I saw that cutie at the corner & I went to say hi. Yes my mission was accomplished. Then last min, my fren who got desperate coz he was about to lose the bet quickly ran into a girl and got to knw her. But only after I realized that it was the girl who greeted him instead of him. Lousy fella. He lost the bet & should have slept outside Atmos for that day.

It was also the 1st time ever ppl criticized my voice. I sang "Dun phunk with my heart" in one of the car of the new frens we got to know that day and they asked me to shut up. What’s wrong with that song man? I asked my fren. He said the song is ok but it becomes not when I sing. Bugger! (18-6-05)

Sky is gloomy, so is my mood…

I wish she was ok. Bcoz if she is not, I ain’t.

My heart ain’t the empty heart no more. But lonely days r not gone. Loneliness fills me in even more as some1 occupies the space in my heart.

Being a child, having feelings as such often shakes us off, & makes our mind aimless & each day spent is wasted effort.

I thought I was never gonna feel it again but my heart proves it to me that it is made of flesh despite my abstinence to prove to the world that it is made of titanium.

My friend did well in exams. Congrats to her! But mine isn’t the one that I always had in mind. I should strive & thrive when new sem starts.

A new life is about to begin & I wonder I should keep that person in my heart.

There are impossibilities but also possibilities. There are obstacles but should I overcome them n stop whining? I should. I think I should do what I always do, being myself in spite of my character that always runs amok. I should be cool.

I have done it b4 n I can do it again.

I was wrong again. I thought depression is a foe that should be eliminated completely. Now I recall that these melancholy feelings r the feelings of anticipation, to be together with that special person. It is a feeling of sadness, with expectations, but least per say, so that if that dream does not materialize, at least u already have been on depression ground and u cannot fall deeper.

The sky starts to pour now, juz like I have poured my feelings.

What is the feeling of liking someone? I feel like hugging her and kissing her cheeks. Those are the pure feelings of love without lust. I wan her to feel protected in my muscular arms and make sure that nothing would harm her…

The partner of my life…Is it her?

原本已经决定在国外深造的我，由于某些因素母亲突然阻止我的远行，现在我那陌生的澳洲恐怕明年是去不成了。得等到一或两年之久才能离开大马。对我而言，逗留在这也有其中的好处。

收到您的信，我不亦乐乎，兴高采烈。我蛮喜欢与人通信。每当收到一封时，就会兴致勃勃，犹如老鼠掉进米谷里，迫不及待地撕开来看。

对不起，我深感抱歉，因为污辱您态度不好等。其实，您内心是否空洞，我并不晓得。或是或非，我只是以您只顾学业而不理别事情的态度来判断。或许您还没发现，就像我中二时和您犯了同样的错误，只是念书而友情，运动，课外活动等一概不管。之后，当我开窍及醒悟时，也正是我遗憾和后悔的时候。时间一去不回头，望尘莫及，只好用想像力幻想自己如果当初去参与别的事情，现在的我会多么的成功和满足。若您有兴趣知道当时的我，问我。您态度有问题只是道听途说，我并没轻信。所以说，我本身也对自己甚为不满。要么让人捉摸不定，要么让人透彻地了解。总比让人误解的好。我，身为天蝎座的男孩，常是人家误会的对象。在这两个选择中，由于不喜欢给人了解得太多，我挑了高深莫测，可是依然是容易让人误会。能澄清多少就全力以赴。无法冰消瓦解的也只好弃之一旁。

您也不应该埋怨自己，不须说抱歉，因为人都是有戒备心，遇到像我这种人，都是会自然地逃之夭夭。这是违反自然的交友方式。不过，我觉得怎样地横冲直撞，感情始终是会开花结果的。那花是否芬芳，果是否香甜，那是另一回事。绝情？不会。能和我聊三粒钟的电话已算是很好。又与我通几封信。换是别人，第一通电话早已挂线了。所以，您不绝情。不过，也是好奇心强烈啦！幼稚？我觉得是单纯吧！您还在茫然中，需要一道光来指引您走出厚雾，向明亮奔驶。我是否您的光，这就不晓得。不过，值得沾沾自喜和炫耀的是，我当过某人的熊熊烈火，取悦过某人，燃起别人的发奋之心，又带给了别人无数的灵感和思想。您有无这么侥幸，听天由命。不过，我不是很喜欢扮演这样的角色。我宁愿成为一位非常成功人士，也不当别人的推动者。您不自私，因为肯牺牲自己的时间来和我煲电话粥。

我想懂您从哪个人变成了哪个人？听听您的历史故事。

我明白我当时实在是忽然间闯进了您的生活，亦悄然而去。数月后，又突然地破门而入，让您心惊肉跳，恐惶不安。对不起，我只可以说：“惊不惊奇，开不开心？” 希望您的答案是：好惊奇，好开心呀！”不过应该是恰恰相反，或简直是恶心。其实，若您觉得我是个危险性，无聊的人或您不想交我这个朋友，您可以不交。可以捎个信来与我断绝关系。这是您的决定，我无法抗拒。如果您是同情，担心会再度伤害我，无所谓，我不会，因为我如今是个强悍的人。告诉我，您不想交，那我会打道回府。

要在您的生活添色彩，首先要做到的是放宽视野，放袒心胸，看清楚这世界每个角落，然后慢慢去体会，欣赏每一件事物，这样您才能感受到周围的美。别把自己关闭在一个小世界里头，要逃出来，尝试各种各样的东西，才会懂得这世界的奇妙。学业固然重要，因为它增广知识。好的成绩犹如一把锁匙，开了一扇门，又开另一个，让我们登峰造极为止。优异的成绩开括一条明亮的前途，在社会中能够立足。但含辛茹苦建造的那条路，走得踉踉跄跄，那岂不是前功尽弃？这个的意思是好的表现要与性格及社交技术搭配，才能顺利，否则孤掌难鸣。一个只是在事业上成功的人仍被称为失败者，尽管他是在某个领域最强的人。真正的成功者，没方面都有成就，这包括了家庭，友情等。若您有一日摘冠，获取全级第一名，但想一想，您的朋友寥寥无几，叫作朋友的朋友都是三日之雅，一面之交。您要当这么可悲的人吗？您漠不关心，不会感到空虚与寂寞吗？没人分享您的快乐和悲痛，一切默默承受，压抑在心。人家当时可能会在您背后说的闲话是这样：“她只是会读书罢了啦！” 我有一位射手座的朋友的确符合这个描述！我建议您去做运动。不做也罢，反正女孩都是比较文静。那我就告诉您我的女性朋友的娱乐活动吧！比如，去REDBOX唱歌，煲电话粥，晚上玩ICQ，得空就逛街，买一些自己喜欢的东西。不过，这些活泼的少女还欠缺了某样东西，是她们非常渴望的，那就是恋爱，否则她们的人生也就会更加地多姿多彩。可能您觉得这样的生活似乎太狂野，做时会负不起良心的责备，觉得父母这么辛苦赚钱，我却在外游手好闲。不！这想法大错特错！我有时也会这样想，因为我的成绩不理想。 但做事情总得有分寸。刚才那些女性朋友虽然玩乐，但只是偶而，一个星期或一个月一次，出外松弛心情，消遣时间。她们的成绩辉煌，甚至超越了常待在家书呆子的成绩呢！您没想过吗？您的时间表里除了温书和做功课，都是些乏味的电视节目。为何我仅念书却成绩不如人？这就是因为您不知道有效的读书方法了。我知道XX是个脚踏实地的女孩，终日埋头苦读，在学业上名列前茅。她和YY是情侣。YY的存在并无使她学业忽略，更甭说荒废。她仍能维持同样的水准。这是因为她会分配时间，用特效捷径，在学业上能事半功倍。她绝不让爱情干涉自己的学业。但我觉得她的生活也是蛮闷的啦！娱乐不但能解闷，满足心灵等，也能增进朋友之间的感情。讲左甘多，约您出街，您都不愿意固啦！算罢啦！您甘怕丑，甘惊做么？惊我吃左你？

我的生活是非常私秘，透露一些活动给您与众不同的。我少出街，平常在家里研究佛学，星座学等。我打篮球，跳舞及练拳。暑假时当然是出去WET啦！喂喂喂，告诉我多点您的事嘛！

的确是在挣扎，与自己搏斗，激战。我最大的敌人是自己，或是每个男人都是如此。常被心魔诱惑，沉溺于虚拟世界中，无法勇往直前。只要我战胜自己，设定某个性格与思想，仿佛装上好的引擎，我就可以统治天下。这句话似乎是太傲慢了。我得收敛些，要串也要达到目标才串。不然，自己就得谦虚些。为何不相信我会进入演艺圈？在您朋友中，无人和我志同道合吗？

其实您在电话中沉默寡言，金口不开，我并不怪您，因为我有几位女性朋友一开始认识我时都是如此。经过一段日子后，她们就与我聊得眉飞色舞，滔滔不绝，口若悬河。也许当初不熟，所以她们处处隐瞒自己的事吧！不过，说了又有什么关系，没吃亏呀！希望您莫人家说一句，您答一句。这样子很闷啦！虽然本身不是很精彩，偶尔也会说得天花乱坠。

我想知道您有多少个异性朋友？全都是淡然之交还是有比较亲近的？想知道是因为好奇。别想太多呀！

以我来看，您也不小了。中学时期不该想男女之间的关系？别人听了一定会笑得前俯后仰，嘴不拢合。我也有时会想：“我还小，很多东西可以不顾虑，不用想，不用做”。但，其实我们已经长大了。岁月不居，时节如流。瞬时之间，我们长大了。但因为太快，我们无法接受这事实，还以为我们还是小孩。您想想，您明年就中五了！爱情是一种缘分，来时可能来势汹汹，可能微细如沙。不管怎样，回拒了可能就不来了。像一波涛浪，滚汨来时，您不把握和珍惜它，它打到沙滩上就会退回大海。凡事顺其自然。年头时，您赫赫有名，名字停得震耳欲聋。追您的男生不计其数。但为何到年尾，您的名字已消逝。如果您继续这样，最后的数目可能是零。不是叫您勾引男生。而是，别随便拒绝，否则吃亏的是自己。有位女生喜欢我，但我仍与她勾通，我没什么。只要您遇上一个适合您，感觉对，那就伸手接受吧！爱，是充满欢乐的。

无法进入您的内心世界，是因为您很少谈自己。

叫您早日复函，只是希望快点收到您的信啦。唉呀，别多心。

我设计的生日卡真的有创意吗？嗯，我觉得挺差劲。您可说的是真心话？真的喜欢？烂就直说，不喜欢就抛掉。我往后在演艺圈做工得有超创意性与想像力。您别讹了我，让我自信爆膨，进了演艺圈后做的作品被人嘲笑。我不喜欢别人虚伪的奉承，最想听的是掏心窝子话。不是说您虚伪啦，只是要听肺腑之言而已。

我不知道您是否花心。不如您告诉我真相？

多学习用语言表达自己，多写关于自己的事。

写得手酸，就此搁笔。请早日复函。反正您还空闲嘛，快递来，否则开学时又要忙得不可开交。

您的字体与昔日有别，不是因为您久没写字，而是您性格的改变造成的。我的性格总是不稳定，总是从一个人变去另一个，所以字体也一直换。

我还没考车。怎样？经过那次摆乌龙后，还顺利吧！哈哈！

本来是要明年去澳洲的，不过母亲突然又改变主意，要我呆在这裹一年再飞去那儿。

您的志愿是导游吗？我觉得兴奋，因为您的选择是我朋友之中没有的。

噢，我不晓得您本来是要住怡保。不如你把此事的来龙去脉一五一十地告诉我。

我恨自己以前给您的印象是如此之糟。可能您已忘记或您不介意。记忆是无法消除的，不管深刻或隐约。您一定会心存芥蒂的。我恨时间流逝得太快，总是被抛在后头，永远追不上。我恨生老病死。希望美好时光能永留，黑暗的能转眼消失。我恨自己失败，总是执迷不悟。

希望我们的友情能重新复合。

我要读的是MUFY, 然后拿Mass Comm或是Business。

觉得自己好像又要自闭似的，因为伤心的缘故吧！伤心与朋友分离。

另一封信，是您上一封寄给我时马上写的。但始终没递出去，因为拖延的关系。对不起，现在才给您。

我电脑坏了，所以您应该是很久没见我上网。还有，我已换过户口很多次了。我最新的绰号是"Lucifer’s Apprentice"(撒旦之徒弟)。不过不用加我，因为我又要换新的了。

您已变，我也变。那就当作不曾相识，重新了解对方。请介绍自己，像我这样：

我的名字是陈泽桓，年龄十七岁，刚刚从公教中学毕业。“泽”是辈数，早已定了，非跟不可，意思是恩惠。而“桓”是人姓。名字有此字的人包括齐桓公，一位中国皇帝，情深深雨朦朦的男主角，书桓以及旧任女部长，邓玉桓。他们是赫赫有名的人物。泽桓是否能一样？桓的意思是威风。我的生日是一九八五年十一月十四日，乃天蝎座男孩，性格捉摸不定。样子越来越难看。嗜好是打篮球，打拳，跳舞，唱歌，研究相学，佛学，星座学等。福州人。想进演艺圈，想参政，又想做生意。正踌躇着。

这五年中，你到底学会了什么呢？

就此搁笔。请早日复函。盼望您的来信。

Last year during midyear, was the time I broke out from the placenta of grounded life. Always, I have been marooned in a small world by 2 overprotective parents & not much of the world I had seen. Thanx to my buddy-buddy, who added new flavor to my life…

I learnt much from them n I thank them fr the bottom of my heart…

Rush used to be a high-class club. 1st time I was there, I was deeply smitten by such a place coz pretty chics were in abundance. I was on the verge of losing my calmness. As usual, the impetuosity in me got strong & I was always high before I touched alcohol. But today, after around one year from then, Rush is a place that has turned into a punks’ nest. The high-class posh dance floor has turned into beastly feces. Girls have transformed into ugly hermaphrodites & shufflers have left for the sake of a better dance floor. But under the dim lights, ugly ducklings are swans. The bright light would reveal the truth.

A few hours ago, I was squeezing in the crowd, perspiring & inhaling 2nd hand smoke which blackened my lungs somemore. Every now & then, when I was doing a side-shuffle someone had to pass by. I was not to be provoked today coz my fire was to be unleashed anytime after the few incidents where some jebronis pissed me off. And smart enough, some dudes were afraid to blow my coolness off. They gently tapped my titanium arms to make sure they did not activate the bomb.

For the past few months, there were 3 purposes in a cub: Drink, dance & get to knw chics. My priority was dancing & sweat the fats outta those spare tyres. My cash was never adequate for me to get drunk. What a pathetic guy I was and still am. But fortunately, there were VIP buddies who were generous to let me in the club without paying a cent. I was never a playboy and I did not have the sheer boldness to juz walk up n hook up with any mama. But as time passes, the courage grows & today I juz have no guts to bck dwn. But opportunity is a key to approaching any & in a squirmy place like Rush today, it is almost impossible to make such move.

A few hours ago, I laid on the sofa & pondered on my life. "My insatiable appetite for girls". Before I stoned on that seat, I was shaking my booty & shuffling a bit while capturing the beat of the music. I closed my eyes to let the music seize me.

Because of certain ppl & certain incidents, inevitably I have turned misogynistic. The fascination with girls is bitching but at the same time, disgust permeates & impotence is the result.

Sometimes I feel that lust ruins love. Or rather sex destroys love. I used to have pure love for some1 but it dissipated as the picture of reality did not fit into fantacy. Gradually, I had to hang onto lust to keep that person. Sometimes, I wish I was impotent so that I could experience pure love but as a friend commented: "Love always comes with lust". Being ambivalent, the other conflicting thought is that I only want pure lust and have no love. Because love is either heaven or hell.

Love & lust are juz feelings…Love is a feeling that fulfills the heart while lust is a feeling that fulfills the genitals. Are ppl juz after these feelings?

Why use the name King? Rumour has it that I use it bcoz I won Mr. Sunway 2003. Fact of the matter is, King was never a nick that I subsequently created for that glorious moment. Some even traced bck to the time when I called myself King of Humsup. Nope. Since young I had been thinking of a christian name for myself and King suits me impeccably.

Y King? This name derives from my mandarin name- 泽桓. The 2nd character is the name of a China’s emperor- 齐桓公. Some said that it is bcoz I idolise The Rock in the movie Scorpion King. There’s some truth in that remark.

Y King? Not Tom, Dick or Harry? When I was knee high to a grasshopper, I thought ‘Alan’ for myself which I now think sucks to the max. Sorry to all Alans out there. The name Alan gives me an icy feeling. Then when I began to be conscious about my existence, I started to give myself a long name: "Jackie Mokae Mac Ting Jer Huan Cozza" which was way cool at that time. Adapted from many cast names of a movie.

Most importantly, y King? King is a unique name which implies royalty and dignity. It is a name that is rare & special to me. But it is kinda funny when u translate to malay. They call me Raja n I would have III on my forehead. Whenever I introduce myself "King" to others, 9 outta 10 girls would say: "Then I am Queen." Everytime, my mouth is gonna fart. But I would usually reply: "No you are princess" To some, I would say: "No you are Jester"

Above all, there is a hidden reason y I call myself King. When parents give you a name, they define you. Ppl call you the name your parents gave. They define you again. But I wanna define myself. Nobody holds the power of defining me but myself. So when they call me King, it is acknowledging my existence and status. Furthermore, it is showing respect for the name that I created for myself.

Old friends call me my original name but new friends shall not. To be fair, all friends fr now on should call me King. But if they wanna call my mandarin name, that is allowed.

My friend whose name Larry once playfully criticized my name. He said Larry King comes with the name Larry 1st so he dominates. But I shot bck: "But without the King, Larry would be nobody." He agreed: "True also". I got a friend named Anna & I once joked that we r "Anna & the King".

The mystery of my nick is unveiled.

Respect the King!