I may be a loser today but that does not mean that I will be one forever. Nobody can be perfect in all aspects of life because we do have weaknesses. But nobody has been daring enough to reveal to others their weak spots lest people attack them. People want to protect themselves because they are afraid of getting hurt.
But I have been extremely honest to me and others about my weaknesses and shortcomings. I do not conceal them. When I am lacking, I am most honest. Similarly, when I am great and strong, I am most honest also. Practice modesty I do not. Neither is arrogance my social conduct. But honesty, bluntness or frankness, without any sugar topping, is what I exercise.
If it is a pile of shit, it is a pile of shit. If Jesus was a human, there was no way I was going to turn him into a superhuman. People like to listen to lies and fantasies rather than the truths. When a truth is delivered, they see it as a personal attack. Never has it been my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings. I always play defence. You want to bring me down, I give you back a few folds stronger.
Girls hate playboys but at the same time they want to listen to sweet talks. The best sweet talks come from playboys and sweet talks are just lies wrapped in sugar papers. My friend said: "Who would want a boyfriend who is too honest anyway?"
Girls do not want to know that their boyfriends fantasize having sex with other girls. They do not want to know that their boyfriends are very close to other girls. They want to know but they do not want to know. They are ambivalent. They want the truth but at the same time, they want to live in a world filled with lies and fantasies that make them feel good.
For all that I have said about me is the truth, and some have chosen to twist the knife in the wound. My grief and sense of lack are exposed every now and then. My words are transparent. You hold my secrets and you can bring me down. Or can you?
When I am honest about my view of how good I am, I do not exaggerate and swell in pride. People, however, think that I am egomaniacal and self absorbed. People are just not used to my honesty. Sometimes, I joke about how good I am and they look at me with disgust, thinking that I am really being snobbish and narcissistic. Sometimes, I do say that I am good because I want to boost my confidence yet they get the wrong signal again. They think that I am bragging. Well, whatever…
I am a sensitive man indeed. It is not because I have an inferiority complex. It is just that I feel a sense of lack or rather a great potential with which I will have to expand. You may think all you want about me, judging what I say and do and simply despising me because I am not able to do something. But do you want me to prove you wrong again? Have I not proven to you anything yet? In my life, some people get hurt badly because I proved them wrong or myself right. Living a life of proving people wrong and myself right is, however, pathetic. I never had to prove anyone wrong. But eventually, when I rise to a plateau, things will be naturally proven.
If I had to prove, I had to prove to the world, starting with my parents but I never loved the idea of doing that. I would still do what I do, say what I say and in the end, you will find yourself being proven wrong by my results. But mind you, someone is going to get hurt badly. You get hurt badly not because I do anything destructive like how the evil Spiderman disfigures the Green Goblin or hurts Mary Jane. It all begins with your own poisoned and conceited thought, believing in my worthlessness and one day, you wake up from your illusion of power, knowing that you are the one who fits impeccably into the picture of worthlessness that you once had imposed on me.
You are not a friend because you want me to stay down and be the depressed and useless King. When I become powerful, you mock me, accusing me of being proud and abandoning you. Some friends asked me not to forget them when I become famous. I will forget you guys. Because if you have been so nice to me, would I turn my back on you? Those who have been sincere would not be appalled by the thought that I would leave them. Those who believe that I have a heart of gold would not even think that I would do something so merciless. Only those who have a weak faith in me would lose it all, just as they fear. Some may happily create the thought that they do not care whether I am in their lives but I also happily create a similar thing: "It will never be my loss".
You want to normalize me? You want me to be what you think I should be? Save the thoughts to yourself. There is nothing you can do about it. I am a free spirit who does whatever and whenever I want. You may curse or insult me, saying that I overestimate or overrate myself. But did you know that I am the most honest guy around? If you do not believe in my dreams, you can go live in your land called reality. You are just incapable to be as powerful as me so stop all the jealousy. If you can not accomplish something, do not wish that someone would lie next to you like a corpse. Because I will not. Do not say I leave you. I am just growing into a butterfly. You can be an ugly caterpillar all you want and eat all that leaves but I ain’t staying down with you. You caterpillars can mock me but I am going to fly.
You are never a friend to begin with and again, do you want me to prove you wrong again? Someone is going to get hurt badly.
