The fear of losing
When one is afraid of losing someone, he is bound to losing that person.
Anakin Skywalker or Darth Vader was scared of losing his beloved wife and all the things that he did to prevent himself from losing her actually added up to her eventual death. When I was truly obsessed with someone, I had my grips on someone’s neck and that person was suffocated out of love.
Today, I see my life spiralling into the same pattern again and my heart has been blanketed with fear.
I am not a person who throws away things just like that. People lose material possessions and forget about it the next day. I get heartbroken for anything that falls into my palms but slips through my fingers and vanishes.
The outcome of being possessive is only damaging, as anyone could imagine. I grab my babe’s hand all the time, depriving her of space and whatever she requires to live. I refuse to let go of her hand even for a second and in the end, I find myself grabbing the hand of a corpse.
A real life situation was that I had poured heaps of noisy crickets into the aquarium for my tarantula and in the end, it did not even take a bite. Such excess only gave it the reverse effect of appetizing and since then, its days had been numbered.
I fear losing people, objects and even myself. I fear losing my integrity in the face of evil influence. I fear losing what I have held onto so badly. Maybe the person whose hand I hold onto will not turn into a corpse but I will. I would turn into an apparition which has no difficulty passing through walls but has no possibility of clutching my beloved’s hand.
