My Blog

I can’t erase the past so I will not.

What is the point of blogging? It is all words but no action. Not entirely true for me. I did go to Penang and Singapore. I did not go to Tioman but went to Perhentian.

What is the point of blogging? If I was going to write out a plan and implement it, there are other places to do it. Why here? Why for everyone to see? I know I am definitely not showing off. To update them about me? I do not like being pessimistic but maybe I am just realistic. Like they want to know about me. I know I had fun shuffling at the UV Nation party. I knew I had one of the greatest times in my life in Penang. I knew Perhentian was a dream come true for my deepest desire for a romantic love. I knew I nearly came to tears when I was in the Stadium ready to watch WWE. I have been experiencing orgasm after orgasm doing crazy things, doing normal things crazily and doing normal or crazy things with crazy people. My mind refuses to store memories anymore. It wants to feed on moment-by-moment-stimuli. Yesterday has zero value. Tomorrow has anticipated value but not guaranteed. Now has infinite value. I could be brushing my teeth. I could be trimming my beard. I could be bashing someone. There are so many possibilities of who I am, where I could be and what I could be doing but this precious second or minute, I have chosen to be here writing to be?

Famous? I am not even a top blogger in my community. I have heard friends mention names of top bloggers. People have made money out of writing. J. K. Rowling has made money out of writing too. I asked my blogger friend Zheng Hong why those people are the top bloggers but I am not. He said because they are. The standard of their writing is there. I do not usually reveal people’s names here but what the hell. So, if I am not a top blogger, what is being written here must be crap. My friend said that if anyone wants to be a DJ, he or she had better be the best. If not, you are just rubbish. Am I rubbish, Gabriel? For a second, my heart raced with competitive flame but for the next, my mind said: "Just be who you are and write what you want". Then, I remember what Neil Strauss has said: "Be your best self".

I had thought of writing this since long ago and this is it: I am a leaf that sways wherever the wind carries me. My friend Yi Shaun is very goal oriented and focused. So is Kin Foong. Gabriel, however, is an opportunist who uses a net to grab fishes when there are. I have swayed to Zouk through a friend who offered me a modelling and emceeing job there. From there, I have taken off as an ambassador and it was through being an ambassador without ego that I got to know Gabriel. Or am I a jellyfish floating with the tides? If I do land onto the beach, I am free food for birds. But maybe one of my released tentacles will sting what I want to sting. But I will never know whether that is what I want to sting until my tentacle stings it and sends a signal back to me. I have no specific purpose in my life. My purpose is to play, enjoy, experience, experiment and try.

Play what I like to play or things or people I never played.

Enjoy the five senses. Enjoy music through my ears or the moans of a girl making love to me. Enjoy smelling aroma. Enjoy smelling rubbish. At least my nose is functioning. Enjoy eating! Spicy food, sweet food or whatever. Sucky food is ok too. At least now I know which place sells sucky food. At least my taste buds are working. See girls. Watch movies. See my babe smiling at me. Touch the Black Label bottle. Touch the tender breasts. Touch the wet pussy.

Experience my experience through my five senses. Experience interpretations less. Experience happiness, sadness, anger, frustration etc. Experience anything at all. Feel it. Love it.

Experiment what people dare not experiment. Wander in the graveyard during the wee hours in the morning. Maybe one day eat my own sperm. Sometimes, I feel like being a convict and staying in a prison. I feel like having a real fight with someone. Sparring is for pussies. Attacking the private part is wrong. There are too many rules. Why can’t we fight like men as such in Fight Club? I have been serious about establishing an underground Fight Club. When are you gonna spar with me, Kok Thong?

Try new clubs. Try new pubs. Try new restaurants. Try new food. Try not drugs. Try not drugs and try not drugs. Try not things that would jeopardise your health, be it mental or physical. But cigarettes and cigars are cool.

This is Me. Hennessy V.S.O.P. Live life to the full.

Many times in life, many people had told me that I could not succeed in certain things yet I had done it all. You said it was tough because you simply do not have the ability to accomplish something. But do not think that I am like you. I am not you. I am greater than you think. The results always show.

Many times in life, people had asked me not to do certain things yet I did not give a fuck about what they said. I did it and I do not regret a single bit for what I did. It felt so good to get dirty. It felt so good to be bad. And it felt so good to do it while you abide by rules and be a good boy or girl. Do not be jealous, my friends, when I get to enjoy pleasure and leisure. When you do not want to do it because you think that it is wrong, please do not expect me not to do it also. I will do it. I will fuck around. I will fuck you. There is no right and wrong in this world. In the end of the day, I get pussies. You get your imagination and your sexy hand to help you fulfill your dreams.

Many times in life, people wanted to bring me down. Sometimes, they succeeded. But I rise again. Each time I rise, I am harder, better, faster and stronger. Should I say thank you for teaching me a lesson? No. Just be prepared for my retaliation which may come in any form at all.

Actually, I do not give a fuck anymore. And I do not believe in you anymore, anymore. Your evaluation of me is not only erroneous but is also intended to keep me from greater powers. Call me Lucifer. It is my new name. Lucifer King is my new name.

Girls from convent school are still better. Girls from co-ad school suck big time. Girls who mix with girls all the time are indulged in the feminine side so that they are gentle, tender and caring. They value guys more and make guys wanna. Girls from co-ad school do not really care about guys’ ego because they have been mingling with guys so long. Furthermore, they have turned guy-like because they treat guys as competitors. Such distasteful choice as a partner. I did not get any girlfriend from and during high school so people may say that because I could not taste the grapes so I say they are sour. This time, I got intimate with one of the girls from high school and it really tasted sour. Well, maybe the one I tasted was sour. Maybe there are some sweet ones. But I guess I do not want to. They once made me want them because my mind played tricks on me, making me think that they are all so great. But after what I have heard, after what I have seen, they are less than ordinary. Maybe it is their looks, maybe it is how they carry themselves, so that people are made to think that they are angels. But now it is no longer me who is choosing them. They are not in my league as they can always stay in their conservative fortress. I have seen the outside world and there is pasta in Italy etc. Char Kuih Teow is only one in the billion of delicious food.

Of course, some girls from convent school subscribe to the idea of essentialism, consciously or subconsciously. They act nice and caring in order to manipulate guys. That I have experienced too in one of my relationships. For friends close or not to me, I think you guys know who I am talking about. Those bitches are to be crucified but those guys who got fooled by them are to be cut off their dicks. Luckily, the one who said that their dicks should be cut off is me, not someone else before me. If not, my dick would be cut off too. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Are ‘bad’ people always going down in the end like how movies depict them to be? It always leaves a nasty taste in the mouth when evil defeats good in movies. At least that is the general opinion of general people. But sometimes, I want evil to win because evil is so cool. How can a normal T-100 beat the so sophisticated female robot? That does not make sense. So, evil must die huh? Evil is powerful. Evil is not raddish. Evil is calm and patient too. Evil is tidy too. Evil is the embodiment of malicious traits but they may be disciplined and hardworking too. You think Hitler was a lazy man? If evil possesses some ‘good’ traits too, they are not pure evil, are they? But who is pure evil and who is pure good? There is no such thing as who is good and who is bad then. I guess we can only say that certain people are more evil or more good. I have chosen to embrace both my good and evil nature. I am a demonic angel, dark angel, fallen angel or whatever you call it. I call myself Lucifer, the rebellious soul who does not conform to rules, structures and institutions such as God, school, the government and family. Lucifer has his own personal space called Hell. I create my hell. Everyone does.

Karl Marx is right. Capitalism is sucking our souls because everything now equals money. A relationship means money. A friendship means money. Survival is money. With money, everything goes. Without money, you are eking out or slowly dying off. Without a car or some money, how do you meet up with your friends and have a chat to forge relationships? Without money, how do you call your girlfriend to say: "I miss you"? Without money, how do I get a pc, pay Streamyx and come online here writing blogs? And if I do not pay for electricity, the equipments and services are helpless. Bomb all buildings like members of Project Mayhem in Fight Club did or work my ass off to be a millionaire at the age of 50 with an enormous belly? By then, what is charm to girls? Only my money.

My dream to be a celebrity has been shattered. So what if I sing like a bird? So what if I dance better than Michael Jackson? Not everybody gets lucky. Not everybody is talented. I am talented to realize the fact that impossible is nothing but also there is a long way to go because I am not the only one fighting for that same damn dream. Everyone wants to be rich. Everybody wants to be great. Although my communications course has opened my eyes to the shade of stupidity most people live in, it never has offered a solution to change one’s world. The most I could do is sticking to my principles while being flexible to have them changed anytime when they cease serving me. When I was young, I could not get things done because I did not have the repertoire to. Today, I can’t get certain things done because I am not resourceful enough.

But I will be patient. I was desperate for sex and I ended up fucking ugly girls. I was desperate for a relationship so my mind was clouded and I made mistakes in judgments. Average girls now come to me. I do not hunt them. I only hunt pretty girls. Pretty girls must always be hunted anyway. They do not come to me unless I am Mr. bling bling. It is just a matter of time. In terms of relationship, one only gets better than the previous. Luck or effort? It is an effortless effort if I am the one who attracts things to me, not pursuing them. I am now desperate for money and I will not make the same mistake. Like everything else in this world, money comes and goes. It is better to be respected although broke than being rich but broken. My motto to keep me alive in the course of garneting money.

There is a change in the man in the mirror.    

There is an avalanche of counterfeit tickets out there, according to my friend who is one of the organisers of the UV Nation rave party. The lowest price he can give me is RM46 per ticket and if you are offered with a price below that, I urge you to be cautious that it may be a counterfeit, which under a strict code of verification, would not grant you access to the party. Latest, by Thursday 6 p.m., let me know whether you want to purchase tickets from my friend. Beyond the given timeline, any booking will not be entertained. :p

Drink, drink, drink. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. 

When I posted about visiting clubs that I have not been and asked if anyone would want to join me, nobody made any move. I have visited Maison, Sunshine, Mystique and Aloha (Just dropped by when it was gonna close). This particular new year’s resolution of mine is not going so well because there has not been a consistent and deliberate effort of mine to make it happen monthly. Instead, it was coincidental that I made visits to places that I not had been. Nonetheless, since February in which I visited Maison, the succeeding months of March, April and May, I sort of visited three in total so my plan has not failed completely, so to speak.

I do not know who the hell would again read what I am gonna post here but listen here and make a move if you do not wanna lose out. I know one of the organisers of the UV party this Saturday (9th of June). He is gonna help me with the bottle we are going to purchase. I have asked a few friends along but there is yet commitment or promise that they will show up. But just to inform some of you, if you need anything, just give me a call soon so that I could contact that fella and help you with bookings or a cheaper ticket rate.

I will be at the UV party and after my last paper on the 15th, I will be heading Penang for some liquor, music and chics. Then, I may be staying in A Famosa for another few days. Then, I will go to Tioman for some cigar cigar from Cuba Cuba and drink until I drop. On the 28th of July, I will be in the Singapore stadium sitting at the front row, watching WWE wrestlers in action.

This entry is an invitation to all my players, peeps, fans, friends, buddies, chics and heart-broken-wanna-abandon-themselves-trash (like me) out there. If you wanna be part of my crazy and fun guaranteed plans, gimme a hell yeah! Do not miss out! I repeat, do not miss out!

All my life, good and evil have been trying to oust and banish each other. They furtively and openly attack each other, wreaking havoc. Nobody has surrendered. Except the host. The host now makes the calls. The host allows both good and evil to reside and its role is to maintain order.

I am extremely thrilled because I have got the ticket for WWE Summerslam tour in Singapore! I was glad to have had the opportunity to watch both Rain’s and Lee Hom’s concerts but nothing can be compared with this! This is where my idols are! This is part of the reason I have become who I am today! If you smellalalalalalala…What the King…Is cooking!!

At the moment, I have some important missions to accomplish. I will lead a militant and regimented lifestyle.

"Go into your cell, poetic King!"

Kings and queens are history. Today, the royalties are just a symbol of wealth and tradition, nothing more. With several reasons calling myself ‘King’, the word itself insinuates a loss of status and power in current society. I am an obsolete symbol that I try so hard to revive. Kings had the authority to kill. Kings had the power to sleep with any girl. Kings had all the luxuries to relish. But they now only exist in stories. Being a King with no women and guards serving, with no empires, no slaves and no castle, I only have a name. Without all the privileges but with all the vices, I am nothing more than a social misfit.

I simply have lost it. I have lost the desire to copulate.

Some child-like guys who are a few years older than me come talk to me like they know it all. But mind you, even though you do not get to read this, experiences and age do not equal maturity. I wonder whether you really possess wisdom or you are having the illusion that you are wise. So what if you are a 26-year-old hotelier? Who gave you the money? Your papa gave you or you have earned it? So what if you are a 27-year-old assistant chef? Your philosophies have brought you to today’s position but are they going to bring you further than that? So what if you are a 26-year-old gangster-bouncer from Johor? Is that the best you can do? My friend from Hong Kong said that even without a collared shirt, he looks much better than you wearing your white suit and tie. Oh yeah, I totally agree.

The reason of me saying things like these here makes me safe. Not safe from your threat but I am controlling myself. By the way, writing is also a way to contain my insanity. I am now a gray collar worker in Zouk who serves customers and I have got a rep to maintain. Each time, I swallowed my wrath like swallowing a scorching fire ball. All you saw was an innocent face. But mind you, this is my last post ever about this kind of anger. The next time, I do not have to grab your shirt and punch you in the face. You will know. It is not so fun revealing everything, is it? One day, you will lick my shoes and kiss my ass.

It ain’t much an alpha male to be shouting and kicking asses. Although I am yet one, I know what it takes to be one. You guys are kids. If you had any children, please do them a favor by killing them. I have no confidence to raise children and I surely will not have it if I was you. There is so much to teach a child. If you are a busy person, forget about having children. You will make their lives miserable by just bringing them to this world. Consciousness is a terrible curse.

I am just lost. I am not moving towards my goals.

Is this the last of Mr. nice guy? Dad, you said that if I have a bad attitude, I will be beaten up or shot in this society. You are wrong, daddy. I will be the one who will beat people up and shoot people to death. You hear me?! I can endure, dad. But I ain’t a coward.

Since I have a few personalities, why not I make a deal with one of them here today? Evil King, you are from now on banned to ever enter this site. You are in no way going to manifest here. You will take over King completely when you are at work. Why being such a nice guy when you are entering the mouth of hell, during the wee hours of the morning, being in a place filled with alcoholics and sluts anyway? There you go! Go. Raise hell. Leave.

"Deal".

There are only two ways this can happen. If I physically cease to exist, there is no way a new entry would pop out, scientifically and logically speaking. Or will there be a day when I actually stop writing? The possibility crossed my mind. Writing can be empowering but it may also act as a diluting agent for some real actions. A thought, at the moment, cannot be translated directly into an action. It must go through a sort-out system and through it, jumbled thoughts turn into beautiful essays.

I link the emergence of the new age sensitive men to the absence of a patriarchal figure in a family to help shape the masculinity of a male growing into adulthood. I blame the older generation for their irresponsibility in that they are being too preoccupied with their personal goals and do not include moulding a son in part of their plan. They shirk the responsibility for education entirely to the institution or their women, forcing males of the generation X to grapple with what it means to be a man. If I am not part of your plan and money is the only thing you can provide me with, then you should not have had me. You cannot just shower me with money and expect me to be like who you are. I construct my masculinity not through my dad but fictional figures such as James Bond. "My name is Ting. King Ting". "Long Island Tea. Shake. Not stir". It began with some Hong Kong gangster’s films then some old Chinese tales. Then came the medieval war movies such as Troy and the latest: 300. James Bond, whether Sean Connery or Roger Moore, taught me how to be a (mesmerizing) man.

I have had a goatee. I have blurry legs. My chest may turn into a forest. My brows have been always thick. My voice is deep. But there is only a child within.

One more thing, I despise people who privilege the western culture over their roots. It may not be a choice that some of you are English educated and cannot speak Mandarin. But do not deny your roots. You are after all yellow. I have experienced the frustration of some Chinese for not being able to speak Mandarin. They really want to learn and they go for Mandarin classes. It is a stupid mentality of the older generation to think that going to Chinese schools is not beneficial and going to English will grant you a bright prospect. With increasingly more Chinese not knowing how to speak Mandarin, our roots will vanish. I appreciate English as an international medium which enables people of different cultures to communicate. But the replacement of one’s original culture or language by another should not happen.

Call me traditional. Call me a China man. I am proficient in English as I am in Mandarin. I have not forgotten my roots. I am already very ashamed of myself because I cannot speak Fookchao, let alone if I do not know Mandarin. My dad did not teach me how to speak Fookchao. Nowadays, the new generation cannot speak their native tongue. Shame on us! Shame on us! Our culture will just dissipate.

The older generation is fucked up, raising us in a fucked up way. I am already so fucked up and I do not want to fuck up my offsprings so I will not have any! 

I may be a loser today but that does not mean that I will be one forever. Nobody can be perfect in all aspects of life because we do have weaknesses. But nobody has been daring enough to reveal to others their weak spots lest people attack them. People want to protect themselves because they are afraid of getting hurt.

But I have been extremely honest to me and others about my weaknesses and shortcomings. I do not conceal them. When I am lacking, I am most honest. Similarly, when I am great and strong, I am most honest also. Practice modesty I do not. Neither is arrogance my social conduct. But honesty, bluntness or frankness, without any sugar topping, is what I exercise.

If it is a pile of shit, it is a pile of shit. If Jesus was a human, there was no way I was going to turn him into a superhuman. People like to listen to lies and fantasies rather than the truths. When a truth is delivered, they see it as a personal attack. Never has it been my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings. I always play defence. You want to bring me down, I give you back a few folds stronger.

Girls hate playboys but at the same time they want to listen to sweet talks. The best sweet talks come from playboys and sweet talks are just lies wrapped in sugar papers. My friend said: "Who would want a boyfriend who is too honest anyway?"

Girls do not want to know that their boyfriends fantasize having sex with other girls. They do not want to know that their boyfriends are very close to other girls. They want to know but they do not want to know. They are ambivalent. They want the truth but at the same time, they want to live in a world filled with lies and fantasies that make them feel good.

For all that I have said about me is the truth, and some have chosen to twist the knife in the wound. My grief and sense of lack are exposed every now and then. My words are transparent. You hold my secrets and you can bring me down. Or can you?

When I am honest about my view of how good I am, I do not exaggerate and swell in pride. People, however, think that I am egomaniacal and self absorbed. People are just not used to my honesty. Sometimes, I joke about how good I am and they look at me with disgust, thinking that I am really being snobbish and narcissistic. Sometimes, I do say that I am good because I want to boost my confidence yet they get the wrong signal again. They think that I am bragging. Well, whatever…

I am a sensitive man indeed. It is not because I have an inferiority complex. It is just that I feel a sense of lack or rather a great potential with which I will have to expand. You may think all you want about me, judging what I say and do and simply despising me because I am not able to do something. But do you want me to prove you wrong again? Have I not proven to you anything yet? In my life, some people get hurt badly because I proved them wrong or myself right. Living a life of proving people wrong and myself right is, however, pathetic. I never had to prove anyone wrong. But eventually, when I rise to a plateau, things will be naturally proven.

If I had to prove, I had to prove to the world, starting with my parents but I never loved the idea of doing that. I would still do what I do, say what I say and in the end, you will find yourself being proven wrong by my results. But mind you, someone is going to get hurt badly. You get hurt badly not because I do anything destructive like how the evil Spiderman disfigures the Green Goblin or hurts Mary Jane. It all begins with your own poisoned and conceited thought, believing in my worthlessness and one day, you wake up from your illusion of power, knowing that you are the one who fits impeccably into the picture of worthlessness that you once had imposed on me.

You are not a friend because you want me to stay down and be the depressed and useless King. When I become powerful, you mock me, accusing me of being proud and abandoning you. Some friends asked me not to forget them when I become famous. I will forget you guys. Because if you have been so nice to me, would I turn my back on you? Those who have been sincere would not be appalled by the thought that I would leave them. Those who believe that I have a heart of gold would not even think that I would do something so merciless. Only those who have a weak faith in me would lose it all, just as they fear. Some may happily create the thought that they do not care whether I am in their lives but I also happily create a similar thing: "It will never be my loss".

You want to normalize me? You want me to be what you think I should be? Save the thoughts to yourself. There is nothing you can do about it. I am a free spirit who does whatever and whenever I want. You may curse or insult me, saying that I overestimate or overrate myself. But did you know that I am the most honest guy around? If you do not believe in my dreams, you can go live in your land called reality. You are just incapable to be as powerful as me so stop all the jealousy. If you can not accomplish something, do not wish that someone would lie next to you like a corpse. Because I will not. Do not say I leave you. I am just growing into a butterfly. You can be an ugly caterpillar all you want and eat all that leaves but I ain’t staying down with you. You caterpillars can mock me but I am going to fly.

You are never a friend to begin with and again, do you want me to prove you wrong again? Someone is going to get hurt badly.   

To: Mummy

First, it was a ball with which you have to carry

A burden it seemed, big and heavy

Then, you stood proudly and gleefully over your ball

Thinking that you had it all

But soon you were driven up the wall

Not only for food more often had you had to visit the mall

Cheekily, the ball rolls and bounces

Catching it, you must have lost ounces

Filled with anticipation, you want the ball to hit the ‘goal’

Educating him with your sweat and soul

But you have forgotten that a ball has no angle

With force, its shape you will only mangle

All a ball needs is an occasional pump of air

A perennial nagging the ball cannot bear

For it would roll out of your sight

Just to take a breath, still thinking that he is right

The moment the ball is thrown

It has had a life of its own

You cannot make it stay still

Because it would roll with its will

Sit back and relax

Make time for leisure: The hair of your legs you can wax

The ball is now rolling towards success

Just when you are worrying in excess

Happy Mother’s Day!

From: Jer Huan

Dear Wai Leng & James,

Sometimes, we think that by going around the world and meeting everyone only can we meet the right one. The fact is, there is never a right one. But there is always one, who is like you, hidden in the sea of pedestrians or crowd, wanting to discover and be discovered. And as both meet, fascination with each other ignites and infatuation gradually turns into love. The cruelty of time may wipe off the spark and turn love into a habit but there is such thing called the habit of love. Both will constantly fall in love with each other until eternity. I am not the cupid who got both of you together. I am not the angel who will keep watch of you but I am the king who will bestow you with blessings all the time. Wish you a happy wedding and forever love!

祝你们两夫妇甜甜蜜蜜，白头偕老和相敬如宾。

From,

King & Nicole